Samstag, 20. März 2010

my health - my work - my life

This is for all of you who ask and care:

I'm not physically sick, but have been diagnosed with a disorder I've had my entire life. I was prescriped a medication; the symptoms of the disorder are mostly gone, but now I need to learn to deal with my feelings and sensations in a new way and unlearn all the coping strategies I've applied before that are not helpful anymore.

My colleagues and bosses can't or don't want to support me at work by providing a healthier surrounding for me so it's very hard for me to continue working there. They don't understand that with this new medication, suddenly my problems are very different from those I had before. It is indeed hard to understand, even for me. I have accepted the full-time position only because the alternative was being unemployed - my employer refused to let me work part time. I'll have to see how I'll be getting along now, after all, I'm able to filter sounds better now, concentrate more easily and not let every little thing - a phone ringing, a pencil dropping - bother me. Also, I'm not as exhausted after work as I used to be because it doesn't take so much strength to concentrate now. What I'm experiencing and feeling now isn't always easy, but it makes so much sense and feels right - it's good to finally know what is really wrong with me, and not be falsely diagnosed with depression or burn-out. I may go to a special clinic and learn my way around my new world. I might also find another job again, who knows?

(Excellent translation by: katimus. Isn't it good to have a daughter like this who really understands what's up with me? or to me? or about me? or over me? Oh I hate ...)

I noticed the tic-tac boxes with my mini-eyes yesterday and made some sidetables!